


Alexander (Krycek) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by rosa_himmelblau



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosa_himmelblau/pseuds/rosa_himmelblau
Summary: I wrote this at work one day in response to a thread on Virgule.  Even people who dislike me like this story.





	Alexander (Krycek) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I went to sleep with my gun under my pillow and now there's a hole in my wall from when it went off and my ears are still ringing. When I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the dead alien and by mistake I dropped my jacket in the alien blood and it ate a big hole in the sleeve and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Scully got abducted by aliens (or maybe it was the government) and was in a coma and came out of it and Mulder started going crazy (really crazy) a couple of times and he got all better, but when they cut off my arm, it stayed cut off.

I think I'll move to Siberia.

When Mulder got Scully, he liked her as soon as he met her (or shortly after when he saw her in her underwear), but on my first assignment with Mulder he tried to ditch me and wasn't even interested in seeing me in my underwear. I told Cancerman I wanted a better assignment or I was switching sides and he tried to blow me up.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At work Director Skinner liked Mulder's broodiness better than my Boy Scout enthusiasm.

He handcuffed me on his balcony. And left me there all night.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could because Mulder didn't trust me anymore after I tried to kill him on the passenger tram. He said that Scully was his real, true partner and always would be, and I was nothing but a ratboy.

I hope you never find your sister, I said to Mulder. I hope your whole family gets abducted by aliens and you find out Cancerman is really your father 'cause he got your mother pregnant in Siberia.

Mulder got to be in a big-screen movie, and so did Scully and Skinner. Guess who didn't get to be in the movie?

It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because then they brought in Spender to try to take over the X Files and fight with Mulder. Maybe you'll be on next week, they told me.

Next week, I said, I'm going to Siberia.

On the way home from Hong Kong, Mulder beat me up, handcuffed me, and was really, really mean to me and

while I had that alien oil stuff in me, I got locked in an abandoned missile site outside Bismarck, North Dakota.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

Mulder got a cool informant called Deep Throat, and then when he got killed, he got another one called Mr. X. I never got any informant at all.

When I tried to kill Scully, I killed her sister instead. When I killed Mulder's father, he caught me. 

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Mulder hates me and only lets me kiss him when I hold a gun on him and I can't remember which side I'm supposed to be on. I'm afraid Cancerman might be my father, too. I hate Cancerman.

My mother told me some days are like that.

Even in Siberia.


End file.
